Jack and John - Story

My Great, Great Grandpa John (Jack) Everett Hoyt's Pigs

Old Jack laughed, his gnarled fingers scraping the pan as he tossed table scraps to his chickens.  John had promised to buy a beer at the Pig and Whistle, but he was thinking, “Yah, when pig’s fly he’ll buy!”

Old John was mulling over how he might get a tiddley wink of pig’s ear out of Old Jack.  “Yah, puttin’ lipstick on a pig don’t change nothing, and Jack ain’t likely to be buyin’ any toddy."

Finally, with the pigs in their stys, and the chickens safe in their coups, the two old pig farmers met at the Pig and Whistle for their usual evening drink.  Jack says to John, “The old sow’s dropping piglets like rain and I’m makin’ bacon.  How’s about you buyin’ the beer ta celebrate?”

John coughed and snorted, “Sounds like you got a lifetime supply of sqealing bacon so you just tuck one o’ them piglets under your arm and play me a sad an’ awful song on the bagpipes, maybe then I’ll buy us some beer.”

By now, Jack was red in the face, “If that ain’t a pig in a poke, you claimin’ ta buy me a beer and now you’re gettin’ piggy, why you’re more slippery than a greased pig and tighter with your money than a pig's rear end.”

Now it was John’s turn to be red in the face, “Calling me piggy is right fine of you because pig stands for pride, integrity and guts you old fool.  You know... don’t ya, that inside every man there’s a tiger, a pig and an ass and I’m not sure which one you is.”

Finally, the bartender says, “Well if that don’t dill my pickle, you two’s worse than two pigs in a parlor, how’s about I buy the first round just to shut you old farts up.”

Now Jack, a twinkle in his eye, takes a sip of beer and slaps John on the back, “You’re the best pal I ever had. ” 

They each buy a couple more rounds and shuffle off down the road.  John says to Jack, “Let’s go get a couple piglets so’s we can play us a sad an’ awful song on them bagpipes.”