Daddy Says - Autobiographical

Me and My Daddy

I'm standing in the dark, looking down the outhouse trail and Momma says, "Go with him, he's only 5 years old."

Daddy says, "No!  A man can't be afraid of the dark." Then I'm running down that trail, I'm running like the wind.

I'm watching Daddy prune his boysen berries, pretty soon, he takes out a chew of Copenhagen, "Daddy, can I have some?"

"Sure son, but a man has to take 3 fingers," so I take a big 3 fingered pinch of chewing tobacco and eat it like candy.  Pretty soon, I'm on my hands and knees talking to somebody named "Ralph!"

Momma sticks her head out the backdoor and sees me puking my guts out, "You didn't, you didn't... did you?"

Daddy says, "Yep, I gave him the cure."

It's Saturday morning and I'm watching cartoons.  Daddy comes home from working graveyard shift at the sawmill.  "Hey, you want a pet skunk?"

"Yaaa!"  So Daddy gets a gunny sack and we jump in the '36 Plymouth.  We drive to Bob Beaver's cow pasture and there's a momma skunk leading her babies through the briers.  I roll under the fence, and I'm reaching out, gonna grab one, when I realize what I'm doing, "Daddy, won't he spray me?"

Daddy starts laughing, "No, he's too little pick him up, pick him up."  All of a sudden, I'm staring the one-eyed-winky of death right in the eyes.  He let go a yellowish spray...  Nearly blinded, choking and gasping, I ran back to Daddy with my skunk.

Just then, an old lady drives up in her brand new Cadillac car saying, "Oh, my grandchildren would love a pet skunk, can you catch me one?"

"Arrrg!" I'm off chasing them skunks again, I may not be too smart, but I'm persistent.  This time, I grabbed that skunk by the front end, I'd rather get bit than sprayed again.  I dropped that skunk in the lady's trunk and Daddy slams the lid.  She drives off, all of a sudden, she's hanging out the window, trying to drive that fancy Cadillac car.

I'm playing in the hay mow, we are swinging on rope and dropping into the hay.  Daddy and my uncles are pitch forking hay onto a trailer.  At the end of the day everyone is tired and standing by Uncle Bob's new fangled electric fence.  One little wire keeps all them cows in, no more chasing strays, what a wonderful invention.  Then Daddy says, "Let's go for a walk."  He bends over and taps that little wire and tells me the fence is not turned on,  so I grab hold and throw a leg over, yeowww!  There I am hung up on that fence, Daddy lied.

I'm deer hunting with my daddy and we're walking along the Samish river.  I'm looking for a log to cross on so that I won't get all wet.  Then I hear a splash and there's Daddy, standing in the river and calling me a sissy.  The only thing I could do was jump in and join him.  We both hunted wet all that day.

Growing up with a daddy like mine could have made me mean as "boiled owl" but instead, I've had a lifetime of belly laughs, and because of my daddy, I'm not afraid of the dark, I don't chew, I know better than to pick up a skunk, I know my way around an electric fence, and I ain't no sissy - thanks Daddy!